2019 Is Not My Year.............
Posted 11 April 2019 - 04:52 PM
On the 22 March in the evening after beginning to worry as I had not heard from her, I broke into my beautiful girlfriend's flat next door to me & found her dead on the floor...........Just 38 years old!
She died of sepsis caused by a peptic gastric perforated ulcer, a nasty open wound on her right leg left untreated by useless doctors practice (Already under investigation & monitoring by the Care Quality Commission) Indeed the same "Practice" that misdiagnosed my mini strokes as Epilepsy & stuck me 2000mg a DAY of epilim tablets - But that's another story...........
Sorry this post is a bit "Scatty" but this has hit me so hard & only now by sharing my grief does it make things a tiny bit easier.....
My beautiful Diana was just 38 she taught me that despite my disability, I was still really special & that I was worth so much more than I believed after the stroke 6 years ago!
This was a real slow burner, I always thought she was kind of cute but had no idea at all that we would fall in love - We both wanted to stay very private until we were ready to tell the world we were in love............
This is difficult to write & finding the right words to explain how fooking painful this is - One minute we were sharing love & laughter (A lot of laughing & just being together) Diana was the sunshine in my life that just wanted to be with me no matter what! What were my chances of ever meeting a girl like her?? Not great I know - When you become ill or have permanent problems, most just give you a wide birth sad to say!
Not Diana though who made me so happy even if only for a short time - This woman made me smile properly since the evil stroke damage 6 years ago - Never thought I would ever smile properly again...........
Diana was from Lithuania & I loved everything about her, an amazing girl that I had the privilege of her sharing my life & loving me for who I am......It doesn't happen very often in a lifetime!
I am happy to report that her body was flown home to her family who have been so supportive & kind, they knew about us & are all lovely people & her going home meant everything to me as I dreaded a lonely funeral here..........
As I stated earlier, Diana's death has hit me hard although it took a couple of days after finding her to really accept the awful realisation that I would never see her again, wake up with her or go out on one of our crazy shopping expeditions! The pain is just so hard to deal with but I cannot be upset forever, she would not want me to be in tears every day or going through such a shiteee time & I know that 100% My sense of loss is so great & I'm really trying to pick myself up again..........
Anyway, this post is not about me - It's about my beautiful girl & my love for her & sense of loss without her........
Maybe we'll meet again one day? I'm not a great believer but would do anything just to have her back again..........
Thanks for reading, this is why I have been so quiet for the last month.............
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Posted 11 April 2019 - 05:24 PM
Don't know about your spirituality... ...but I'll pray for Her and You!!!
Condolences and GOD Bless!!
Posted 11 April 2019 - 05:33 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. Despite what you went through, just think of the moments you did spend with her and cherish those. She too, would not want you to be in sadness and would want you to continue living your life. We are all just riding a time line in this life. You've gotten the opportunity to enjoy a wonderful woman and She did the same with you. You came to her aid to find her as you did in the end, but I am sure, she would have rather it been you to find her. There are no words that can simply heal your pain. Only time and being surrounded by friends and loved ones will be the best healer. God Bless you and her. Thanks for sharing this little bit about your life. Again, my condolences.
Posted 11 April 2019 - 06:04 PM
My sincerest condolences, Nick. It sucks when a loved one dies.
Posted 11 April 2019 - 06:23 PM
Geez Nick. I'm so sorry.
You're time together was a gift. Cherish it and share it like you have here. Boomboxes are never more important than their owners and family.
Posted 11 April 2019 - 06:24 PM
Nick, stay strong brother! It can only get better my man!
Posted 11 April 2019 - 09:11 PM
I feel your pain it runs deep. When I lost my mom in 2016 and now my ex father-in-law two weeks ago it hits you hard.
I choose music to be my healer it just brings a magic that can soothes the pain.
Keep the faith and be strong.
Posted 12 April 2019 - 01:27 AM
Posted 12 April 2019 - 02:29 PM
Posted 12 April 2019 - 08:49 PM
Posted 13 April 2019 - 12:09 PM
Knowing how to respond to such circumstances, situations and events is something I find difficult, not because I have little to say but because I feel I have so much to say due gravity of what you both have experienced. I feel for both of you, my heart is heavy.
Posted 13 April 2019 - 03:05 PM
Diana was my world - I learnt from this that sometimes we don't realise how much we love someone! I never really stopped to think about that at all - I was too busy just being happy & loving her, she gave me so much simple unconditional love & was so comfortable & content with me! We really did just laugh all the time as well as a lot of snuggling up together usually just listening to music (She loved music as much as I do & loved all sorts) I would watch her sometimes analyse how songs are made, every aspect of what makes us love certain songs...........She made me so happy just being herself & we just fell in love!
I feel a lot better now she has been laid to rest & am trying not to keep breaking down, Diana would be waving her finger at me saying don't cry for me please honey, I know she would so I try to smile & do stuff to keep me busy...........Taking my dog down the beach & shopping etc, anything to help me move on!
I keep listening to cheesy europop, she loved this music so much it made her exude happiness & she would sing along with no shame bless her - It's one thing that doesn't make me sad as I can see her in my mind just being happy & silly to the daft songs........
I guess the council will be clearing her home soon & I guess I will feel better when what's left is removed, it's crap at the moment having to pass her place every time I go out as it's unavoidable
Every day will get a little bit better for me - I am sleeping better now than I was & confident I can get through my dreadfully sad loss! No woman I ever knew was like Diana - A slow & natural love affair that neither of us were seeking culminated in two people in love & for me like never before, I guess those are some of the best ways folk end up together She was my soul mate no question & walked into my world & made it so much more than it ever was!!
Anyway guys, thank you for all your kind words they bring me comfort during this difficult time in my life......
I will be back posting sometime in the near future, done a couple of restores before she died & will get around to getting them up here!
Edit: I forgot to mention Diana's love for my Black Labrador - Those two were on planet love from day one, an extraordinary bond I have never seen in the ten years I've had him, he would go nuts when she came in the front door or appear at my window!! Watching those two was magic! He misses her & wants to keep going next door........
Posted 13 April 2019 - 05:56 PM
Nick my thoughts are with you buddy. I feel so sorry for your loss , i wish you all the best my good friend.
Posted 14 April 2019 - 03:27 PM
Not much I can say besides all you can do is put one foot In front of the other and March on.
Posted 16 April 2019 - 01:55 AM
im heartbroken for the both of us lad, im in tears im back home and i think i have lost the love of my life too, dunno what to say, where is superduper floyd and redbenjoe the guys are legends
Posted 19 April 2019 - 10:15 AM
Damn man, just stumbled upon this. I feel your pain and it WILL be hard but I'm sure she'd want you to be happy. I lost my beautiful wife of 25 years last March to suicide and it almost felt like part of me died that day. We had been together since our early 20's. You will be in my thoughts and feel free to pm me if you need some support. I do truly understand how loosing someone under tragic and unexpected circumstances feels.
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Posted 25 April 2019 - 03:36 AM
Posted 25 April 2019 - 09:10 PM
my heart breaks for you my friend. What a truly special person and relationship.
Posted 03 May 2019 - 11:27 AM